I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
