Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
