When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
3pm strippers are depressing
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
