i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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