I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
