So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
