That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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