I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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