You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
