Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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