Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
