I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
