Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
