I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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