Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
