Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We are all done wearing pants today
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
