Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
