this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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