Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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