Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You made out with two different species that night
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
