I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
