i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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