I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
how drunk are you?
Several
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
