I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
