He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
