I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
