Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize