We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
