my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
