thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
even my farts smell like vagina
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
