plz talk dirty to me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
