the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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