you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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