He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
