dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
