Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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