i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Randomize
