And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The power of my boobs compel you
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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