I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize