It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
