And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
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