Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
