Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
