If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize