Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
