And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
