Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
