i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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