The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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