if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
