Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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