4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
