do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
