No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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