I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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