people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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