In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
