whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
