whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
