I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
