Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
