NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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