her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize