2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
