that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Do vagina's smell?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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