it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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