so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
