so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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