Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
