they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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