So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It's blow job season.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
