Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize
