My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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