Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
