I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
