So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Bring me that man meat
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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