I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
