I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
