We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
