and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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