I skipped work to stalk him.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
