I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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