Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize