the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
