I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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