Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize