did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
