Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
