Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
