I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
