i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
